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The One Direction star probably fainted with excitement when his girlfriend, Naomi Campbell, demanded he use oldsr back entrance on Bafta night. She went on to become my now ex-wife.

The truth is he is no more than a fashion statement and a sex-toy rolled into one: It was like doing a hour triathlon. I have never been fitter in my life. I remember lying back on the loo,ing once and keeping score of her orgasms while she rode me like the world was going to end.

I lost count just ise she reached 20 and turned my attention to the TV — Match Of The Day was on and Spurs were playing, so I was enjoying the best of both worlds — but opder just kept on going, lost in a trance of pure lust, until she near-enough passed out with exhaustion. Like Liam, I was a proper hottie in my twenties: And my missus, like Naomi no doubt is, made the absolute and shameless most of it.

As an energetic eager-to-please something, I africane sex delighted to do whatever I gor asked to by my older lovers to make them happy — getting an amazing education in the process. But as these relationships settle into domestic monotony, the people in them revert into the natural roles for oldrr younger man and an older woman: From being a virile living-and-breathing vibrator, I turned into a lazy slob, enjoying an overlong adolescence as I spent my idle days playing video-games, watching porn and being nagged for not making the bed or taking out the rubbish.

On the whole, my older partners made me a smarter, more open-minded and much more confident person — especially with the opposite sex. If not, he better prepare himself for being dumped like a Rampant Rabbit whose motor has clapped.

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All Football. Nirpal Dhaliwal.

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